If I Were in Your Shoes...

So, where do you start? Having been down this road myself, I would suggest your primary care physician. Book a double appointment and then ask if you can chat with him/her in their office (not in a cold, sterile exam room). And when you're talking, be honest about how much you're drinking, when you're drinking, and how it's affecting you. It's okay to cry - let those emotions out.

Abstinence recovery
Ask about mediations that might help you quit. There are a few different ones that might help. I tried one called Antabuse, which blocks the ability to drink. It worked as advertised, but damn….I was one helluva mad, angry asshole while taking it (and as anyone who knows me will tell you, I'm about as kind and laid-back as anyone you're liable to ever meet). Mad and angry didn't do it justice; I was like a caged and raging tiger, being prodded by kids. So, why the personality change? Because it didn't help me stop drinking - it simply stopped me from drinking. Big difference.

Holistic recovery
There are at least two other medications, though, that have been proven to help reduce the desire to drink. As I am not a doctor, I won't mention them by name (you can Google them, or just ask your physician). My understanding is that you can actually have a drink or two while taking the medication without dire consequences (unlike Antabuse), but the hope is that by reducing the desire (or effects of alcohol), you will be far less likely to pick up the bottle in the first place.

The medication that I took from May through December allowed me to resist the cravings for hours, then days, then weeks, and eventually months. Don't get me wrong, there were definitely times when I really, really wanted a drink, even while on the medication. But unlike before, I was able to push off those cravings until they passed. As I mentioned in my letter to my friend, I quit taking the medication on December 31, 2005 (so, approximately seven months on it); but I kept a month's-worth on-hand for all of 2006, just in case I needed it again. I didn't.

Alcoholics Anonymous
As mentioned, I attended 90 AA meetings in 90 days, just as I promised my physician and therapist I would. I kept a calendar to ensure that I would uphold my end of the bargain (it was actually part of my therapy). AA is not for everyone, but, if you're struggling, I encourage you to search out a meeting and see if it makes sense for you. It is totally free, nobody will judge you, and people from all walks of life will likely be at the meeting. At the meetings I attended, it was not uncommon to have doctors and lawyers who arrived in their Porsches sharing stories with folks who were lucky to have a roof over their head that evening. Everyone was on a first-name basis; and everyone was on equal footing; we all had one goal- to stay sober for another day.

AA and Medication Conflict
I also want to mention something about medications and Alcoholics Anonymous. My biggest complaint about AA was the pushback I received from just about everyone regarding being on a medication. Pushback is putting it lightly; contempt, disdain, ridicule, and, in some cases, mockery would be better descriptions. The more meetings I went to, the more I realized I maybe no longer needed to be there. Why? Because I was able to stave off the cravings on my own. When I would bring this up during meetings, and I'd try and explain my reasoning, the other members would often rise up and almost 'gang up' on me; they were mad that I was 'replacing one drug with another drug.' OMG - REALLY, PEOPLE?! The whole idea here is that I am weening myself of one drug (alcohol) with another drug that I will then be able to walk away from a few months down the road. And, that is exactly what I did.

Lastly, as mentioned, I found several AA groups that I liked, two in Georgia, one in Arizona. On my fifth sober anniversary, I went back to one of the groups in the foothills of north Georgia and received my 5 year chip. While the group was thrilled to present it to me and they listened in silence to my story, I still felt like many were wondering why I needed a 'crutch' to quit drinking. I left the meeting and haven't been back to once since (I do, however, still have my 5 year chip and pull it out from time to time)…

On one hand, I was happy that so many people were in attendance; that meant a) they weren't drinking, and; b) I had a chance to present my views…maybe one or two were moved enough to look into the possibility of asking their doctor about combining the wonders of a medication with the support of AA. On the other hand, I recognized so many familiar faces; how sad that five years on, they were still struggling daily to keep from drinking; still finding it necessary to meet with like-minded people in order to keep from picking up a bottle.

Therapy
I was 49 years old when I received my 5 year chip. As mentioned, between the ages of 42 and 44, there were periods where I was incommunicado. During these years, I was, with very good reason, scared for my life. I had tried everything I could think of to help me quit drinking; if anything, it had only gotten worse. I was, without a doubt, lucky to still be alive. And, then…I tried one more therapist. I had already tried two (or was it three?) without success. I had walked away poorer (as if that mattered anymore), but they had done nothing to curb my appetite for drinking.

So…why did I try yet another one?
Basically, because I had run out of options. Not only were my parents threatening to 'evict' me, but in reality, I didn't really want to die. I still held onto a tiny shred of hope that maybe, just maybe, I could get better. So…I mustered up the courage to call the therapist Mom and her friend recommended; a few days later, my parents drove me to Roswell for my first session. I liked her from the instant we met; older, with a bit of mystique about her. She explained that although she didn't have a background in substance abuse, she recognized I was in desperate need of help. If I was willing to meet her halfway, there was hope. No illusions - it was not going to be easy.

And, so began an adjures journey back to sobriety.
Peggy put a lot of work into my recovery; for that I am eternally grateful. I don't doubt for a second that I'm alive today in part due to her kind, compassionate, yet very firm, work with me. I was several months into therapy (maybe a year? - that period of my life is a blur) before the medication she stumbled upon was released in the United States. But, even before that momentous occasion, she had, for the first time, instilled real hope back into me. Although still drinking (and, all too often, way, way too much), for the first time in years, I could at least envision a life without alcohol. There were stretches where I was sober for weeks on end while in therapy.

What worked for me…
Now, at the age of sixty, I've hardly given alcohol a second thought in many years. Heck, as mentioned, we've had beer, wine and liquor in our home the entire time; not once have I been remotely close or tempted to drink a drop of it. Most of that credit, I suppose, goes to the hard work I put into it.

But, I also credit my work with a combination of my therapist, my primary care physician, AA, and a miracle drug that helped stave off the cravings.

Lucky?
Am I lucky? Oh hell yes. I'm not only married to the most wonderful person imaginable, but I've rebuilt my life. I am close to my children and grandchildren, I have a good career, a beautiful home, and a purposeful life. None of this would have been possible had I not stopped drinking. I thank God daily for my many blessings.

You, too, deserve to be so fortunate
You, too, deserve an extraordinary life, free from the shackles of addiction. Please pick up the phone and call your primary care physician, search out a compassionate therapist today, or connect with Alcoholics Anonymous.