In Closing...
Someday, I'm going to get back to Durango, the very place where I realized that I not only could, but would, live the rest of my life without drinking. I'll be wearing the baseball cap the biker gave me (yes, I still treasure it). Sitting on the bank of the Animas River as the train slowly slid by - it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. And, I will take my wife along. Naturally, she couldn't possibly understand what an incredibly moving experience it was for me, but she can imagine.
I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there. When I was at my lowest, I had all but given up on getting my life back on track - and I was utterly powerlessness against the force of drinking.
Thankfully, I clung to a thread of hope. With strong resolve, embracing good fortune when it appeared, and, looking back, a wife who demonstrated immense courage and strength, I overcame my "best friend" and "sworn enemy." I turned my life around. I remarried the love of my life (30+ years and counting!), reconnected with my children, and have been working for the same company for over 15 years (yes, the same one that sent me to Phoenix week after week all those years ago). Like everyone, I've experienced ups and downs, including the loss of both parents. And through it all, I've lived happily without a drop of alcohol.
You can do it, too.
There is a path forward. I've walked it. It's daunting, terrifying, and seemingly impossible.
But once you start down the path, you'll find it's entirely possible - and incredibly life-changing... and you won't have to change who you are.
In closing, let me reiterate what I said at the very beginning. I am here for you 24/7 should you ever need a friend to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, a soulmate to share a cup of coffee or a meal with, or just someone to spend time with for a while. I promise that if you call me, anytime day or night, I will answer within a couple of rings.
Take that first step, dear friend, and know that I am here for you. I can't do it for you - you have to do it for yourself. But, remember that you aren't alone. I've walked the same path, and I am here for you - and always will be.
Much love, always,
David
Thank you for reading my journey. If you found it compelling and you know someone who is struggling with addiction, please consider passing my story along to him/her.
And, don't lose hope.
DON'T EVER LOSE HOPE.
I truly hope you have a blessed life. And, one with a lot of incredulation in it.
Some guy happily living on a big round ballDecember, 2020
Updates...
Mom & Dad's Friends
Since I posted this, I've informed the people who helped me along the way about this site. A couple of them have passed away, including the man who took me to many AA meetings. However, I had the good fortune to let his wife know about it. She shared the site with her eight children and more than two dozen grandchildren before she passed away. She was, justifiably, very proud of her late husband.
Damian Waller
My boss moved on to another company a few years after extending my contract. It was a year earlier when he made a choice that greatly affected the latter half of my life. I don't think he knew at the time how significant his influence was on the second half of my life (he does now). When he caught wind that I had alcohol on my breath, he was faced with a decision about my fate: either sever our professional relationship immediately or grant me another opportunity. There was a valid reason behind it (I was unexpectedly asked to report to work on a Saturday afternoon. This incident led to a consequential conversation in his office, during which I disclosed a snippet of my personal circumstances.
He gave me a second chance. His choice provided me with a lifeline that I so desperately needed at that moment in my life.
His decision was akin to a George Bailey moment from It's a Wonderful Life, a testament to the ripple effects of goodwill. As Bailey's actions had a profound impact on the town of Bedford Falls, so too did his choice fundamentally transform my life and the lives of those I hold dear. Just as he saw my humanity amidst his corporate duties, I left his office carrying a beacon of renewed hope and a debt of gratitude that I could never fully repay. Like a lifeline thrown to me in a turbulent sea of despair, his choice became my salvation. His simple act of benevolence not only reshaped my world but also profoundly affected those I love most. The take-away: when given the opportunity, always do good, if possible.
Peggy Marateck (Roswell, GA)
Indeed, I owe my life to Peggy, my therapist. Despite the years that have passed since we last met face to face, her incredible patience and unwavering support continues to echo in our occasional text exchanges. It was a time in my life when addiction therapists were not offering the help I needed but were merely taking my money. Peggy, despite not being an addiction therapist herself, emerged as my beacon of hope in this darkness. It was she who persuaded my PCP to consider a newly released medication in the US that could potentially be my lifeline. Our weekly counseling sessions, which later transitioned to monthly, were as crucial to my recovery as the medication. They were characterized by her profound empathy, guidance, and wisdom. Now, looking back, I can unequivocally declare that Peggy's compassionate efforts are a significant reason why I am alive today. To this day, Peggy continues her noble work in the field of counseling, extending her compassion and wisdom to those who seek her guidance.
I understand that therapy might not be everyone's first choice, and some may even harbor reservations or outright aversion towards it. But, if you're in a situation similar to where I was, I implore you to consider it, even if the thought brings discomfort. Remember, therapy is not a sign of weakness or defeat, but rather a step towards understanding and healing oneself. It's about finding a safe space to express your feelings, confront your fears, and work through your struggles with a professional who can guide you.
My Mom & her friend
Had my mom's friend not urged her to have me try the therapist her husband was seeing, our paths wouldn't have crossed. So, thanks go to my mom for being brave enough to discuss my alcohol problem with her friend, and her friend for sharing the issues she and her husband were facing and encouraging my mom to have me reach out to their therapist.
Ed
Going back years to the afternoon when my friend took me out for a cup of coffee. Crying as he spoke about the pain his wife and I were causing with our drinking; it was deeply moving at the time. It was the first time I started to really think I had an issue (though I knew long before, I just didn't want to face it). In response to my "I've tried so hard... but I'm just not strong enough to quit drinking," he replied: "You'll never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice." Yes, I remembered his words while sitting in Durango, and they gave me added strength when I needed them. That afternoon was the last time I needed his words of wisdom regarding (not) drinking.
My Children
It's possible that after reading this, you might perceive me as a less than ideal father. I trust, however, that my children would not concur with this notion. Throughout those years, my habit was to drink in the evenings, allowing me to be present and active in my children's lives during the day. I was deeply involved, whether it was coaching their soccer team, crafting Pinewood Derby cars, or just splashing around at the neighborhood pool. Like any other family, we balanced our professional and academic schedules, striving to maintain a joyous household. Our faith was a cornerstone, and the house was never short of love.
Drinking escalated into a significant issue as I approached forty, despite it remaining an evening habit. This issue intensified, unfortunately culminating in the breakdown of our marriage. Despite a few intermittent periods of sobriety, it continued to be a profound problem, until my ex-wife's life-changing words.
For a stretch of about two years, I was largely inaccessible, lost in my struggle. Yet as time passed, my children and I began to tread the path toward shared understanding. Witnessing my determined pursuit of a life free from alcohol, they began to grasp the enormity of the battle I had been fighting. This understanding became the foundation for the slow but steadfast rebuilding of our familial bonds, a process I cherish profoundly. The journey to understanding brought us closer, weaving our ties stronger than ever. Today, we stand as a tightly-knit family, our bond reinforced by our shared experiences and an enduring love. This reality fills my heart with overwhelming gratitude.
Kathy
My sister Kathy was a beacon of unwavering faith and steadfast support throughout my journey. Even when I stumbled or disappointed her, she never gave up on me. She was my rock during my darkest moments, always there with comforting words and a guiding hand. Her wisdom carried me through times when I stood on the brink of despair, giving me the strength to carry on. Her belief in me, her enduring faith, and her unconditional love no doubt played a monumental role in saving my life. Kathy's support was invaluable to me, and for that, I am forever grateful.
Some people believe angels have wings and live in clouds. Yes, I'm sure they do. But, look around - they are right here with us, too.
Speaking of angels reminds me of another one that I'd be remiss not to mention - my wife ❤️.
Alyson - my wife is a true angel, who has made me the luckiest person alive.
As I mentioned in my letter to my friend, my wife remembers the times I drank to excess. To her immense credit, she never, ever brings those times up. Not in casual conversations; not during the rare times we argue. If I bring the subject up, which I do on occasion, we'll talk about it. We can't change the past, so why dwell on it? Don't forget it; don't relive it; and certainly don't fall back into old habits. Instead, focus on the present and ensure that it and the future are everything we want them to be. Love one another completely.
No one knows the impact they may have upon someone else, but everyone can appreciate acts of kindness. Do good, be kind, and think of others. Doing so may or may not come back around in the end, but hopefully your kindness will help in ways you never dreamed of (whether you realize it or not).
Our Trip to Durango!
My wife and I finally took a long overdue vacation out west in September, 2022. After visiting Taliesin West, Sedona, the Grand Canyon, Zion, Bryce, and Antelope Canyon, we spent a couple of days in Durango. We rode the train from Durango to Silverton on a glorious fall morning, almost 17 years to the day after my life-changing day. Our trip couldn't have been more perfect - the sky was deep blue, the aspens were changing to yellows and golds, and the Animas river was running wild from heavy rains the day before. My wife cried. I cried. Life is beautiful.
Brett & Patricia
I like to say "Do good, be kind and think of others." The first people we saw when we arrived in Phoenix were friends from way back. Brett & I lived together after college and before we both got married and started families. He and his wife knew how much this trip meant to us - they had a gift for us to remember the trip by - a wonderful Cosanti bronze windbell made in Phoenix, close to where they live. Thank you, Brett & Patricia. It hangs today on our back deck where it reminds me daily of the beautiful time we had visiting Durango, old friends, and the wonderful National Parks of the desert Southwest...and of the important things in life...
Faith
Family and Friendship
Purpose - it is our 'why'
Time
Learning
Love
And, hope...don't ever lose hope
If you know someone who has quit drinking, ask them what day they had their last drink on (they'll know)...make note of it in your calendar and send them a birthday card next year. It will mean the world to them - I guarantee it.
Our Vacation
Our September 2022 journey through the Southwest, with visits to numerous National Parks including the enchanting Zion, was a magical experience. This adventure was a testament to the new possibilities opened up by my sobriety years ago. Pictured here at one of our favorite spots, Zion National Park, with my angelic wife – and yes, that's really me!
Durango
Captured during our delightful train ride from Durango to Silverton, this photo marks the culmination of a perfect vacation. Seventeen years of sobriety made such moments possible, moments that would have remained unexperienced had my journey taken a different path. Instead of a story ending too soon, here we are, my wife and I, celebrating life and eagerly anticipating our retirement years that are just around the corner.
The Cosanti Reminder
A cherished gift from dear friends, this Cosanti Windbell from our trip to Durango resonates with more than just its sound. Each ring is a gentle reminder of my journey, echoing the mantra that has guided me: Do good, be kind, and think of others. It serves as a daily call to kindness, a beautiful testament to the transformative power of change.
Through a Child's Eyes: A Testament to Redemption and Change
Among the cherished keepsakes on my desk, there's a special drawing sketched by our then 9-year-old child, a poignant portrait of my wife and me. It serves as a humble reminder of my past, a silent echo of who I was then.
In the portrait, my wife radiates joy and warmth, and there I am, on the right (use your imagination as to what he thought of me). A vivid testament of how the haze of alcohol can cast a shadow on our lives, subtly shifting our images in the eyes of those we love most.
But there's beauty in this memory too, a testament to growth and change. When I recently shared this drawing with my now 30-year-old son, he had no recollection. It's a testament to the transformative journey we've undertaken, a testament to the power of redemption and change. It reminds me that…
No matter how our past may have shaped us, it doesn't have to define our future.
- David
January, 2023
I would be deeply humbled if you feel moved to share my story. Your support in spreading this message of hope and transformation can make a profound difference.
Comments...
Brian F
I was absolutely blown away by your story, your challenges, your resolve, faith and strength to fight your way back to your wife and family, but most of all, to your self.
I always heard "alcohol was a disease," but never really understood the physical, psychological, and mental toll it takes on a person. Your story, from your perspective, helps me to understand. Thank you.
Sarah
Thank you for sharing your story. I lost my husband a little over a year ago to alcohol. He tried on several occasions to quit drinking, but the desire was always stronger. Reading your story helps give it some perspective. I cried reading your beautiful account in Durango, and I cried again, reading the beautiful ending to your story with the artwork from your young son and your words of wisdom. Blessings on you and your wife, and thank you again for sharing your journey—know that it’s helped someone else understand.
Lori M.
This is a truly captivating story with a wonderfully uplifting conclusion. Thank you for sharing such a personal and inspirational story.
Like your wife, I’ve endured a similar journey for too long, facing daily broken promises and years that seem to echo each other. When the moment feels right, I plan to share this with my husband, hoping it will strike a chord with him just as it did with me.
Wishing you all the best for the remainder of your life’s journey.
Jonathan Wallace
Reading about your journey from the depths of despair to a life of fulfillment and love was profoundly inspiring. Your honest recounting of the challenges you faced with addiction, and the strength it took to overcome them, offers a beacon of hope to others in similar situations. The way you reconnected with your family and rebuilt your life is a remarkable example of perseverance and the transformative power of love and forgiveness. Your journey is a true inspiration, reminding us all that no matter the hardship, change and redemption are always possible.
Thank you for sharing your story and for the courage it must have taken to do so.
Heather F.
Dave - What an arduous journey for you and your loved ones. Thank you for your willingness to share and be an inspiration for others in so many ways.
Alan J.
Your story deeply touched my heart and provided a powerful glimpse into the strength and determination it takes to overcome addiction. By sharing your personal journey, you are offering hope and encouragement to others who may be struggling. Your courage in laying bare such intimate details is not just admirable, it feels profoundly human. Thank you for showing others that recovery is not only possible but achievable, one step at a time.
Damian Waller
Dave, I am humbled by your regard for me. Of course, you can use my name. You should know that this experience between us was mutually transformative. That day, I learned about second chances and that everyone has a story and trauma, which affects us all differently. Until then, I hadn't given that much thought, as I was your stereotypical hard-ass who only saw the job, not the people. So you see, I too am indebted to you.
Thank you for thinking of me after all this time. I am so pleased that you are 18 years sober, and I am proud to have had a small part in that.
However, you are the real hero here. Overcoming addiction is no small feat, and it was you who did the hard work and made the sacrifice.
Thank you, Dave, for thinking of me and for sending this.
Best, Damian
Elizabeth
Dave, I came across your deeply personal narrative on Facebook, and I must express my profound gratitude for your courage in sharing such a poignant and emotionally laden account. It's a tale that resonates with many, yet is often shrouded in silence by families who grapple with similar circumstances.
Your adeptly penned story, compelling and heartrending in equal measure, serves as a testament to the strength inherent in human vulnerability. It has reached deep within, not just me, but presumably anyone who had the privilege of reading it.
As you traverse this journey of life, I want to extend my sincerest congratulations. Your achievements thus far are remarkable, a beacon of hope and inspiration for many.
Again, thank you for sharing your experience, Dave. I am certain it has touched many hearts, shedding light on a reality too often cloaked in shadows. May your narrative continue to inspire and empower others.
Chad T.
Wow, what an incredible site! I stumbled across this while searching for some help with my own addiction, and I'm so grateful I did. Your first-hand account of what you went through was really moving, and it gives me hope that I can turn things around, too. As you say - never lose hope.
Vernice H.
Dave, thank you for sharing and being transparent. I just know in my heart that you have helped so many others and will continue to light a path for those seeking guidance out of their darkness. You are a true inspiration!
Mary B.
Whew. Crying over here. Loved the part about Durango - so beautifully written and so powerful. Probably a screenplay of you in there somewhere. Thank you for sharing!
Susan
Love this! I drank 24/7 for years and never thought there was hope for turning my life around. Somehow, I managed to get sober at 50 and now have ten beautiful years behind me, including eight married to a wonderful man who has never had an issue with alcohol.
Good for you! And, thank you for being an inspiration to others.
Ronnie C.
Wow! A beautiful story that in many ways closely resembles my own. But, for me, every day is still a challenge- I have to make the decision to stay sober one day at a time. It never seems to be any easier. By the grace of God, I have twelve years and counting. Everyday is a blessing.
I can’t wait to share your story with my AA group. Blessings.
Robert Jarvis
Phenomenal. Congrats on turning your life around. I share some similarities with you. Life is way better this way. Thanks for sharing.
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Your thoughts and reflections are greatly valued. Please feel free to share your comments below. Rest assured, all comments are moderated to maintain a respectful and constructive environment.
I would be deeply humbled if you feel moved to share my story. Your support in spreading this message of hope and transformation can make a profound difference.